A Request to NFL Films

I have a big request of NFL Films. You know, the media group responsible for all the gorgeous slo-mo highlights and documentaries of all the epic games in NFL history? So many unbelievable photographers and cinematographers work for these guys, I would give a nut to spend a day in their archives just looking at all the juicy, gorgeous footage they have just sitting around.

Anyway.

When his illustrious career is over, I hope NFL Films will compile a 60 or 90 minute special about Devin Hester's career. Show off all the amazing footage that we have and haven't seen before.

I can just see how it would be directed.

Open with Soulja Boy and fast-paced clips of highlights. Jeff Joniak saying "you are ridiculous!" Hurdling a punter. Juking some sucker out of his shoes. Knifing through middle of field. Flash "BEST THERE EVER WAS" across the screen. Crying on the podium after breaking the record.

Do a 10-15 minute bit introducing how crazy good he was. Throw in interviews about his gifted physical abilities, drop some crazy numbers (body measurements, combine-esque stats, workout routines, career statistics), show some college highlights, talk about coming to the NFL.

Another 5-10 minute section devoted to commentators saying during games how you should "NEVER kick it to this guy," right before he takes it to the house. Clips about how every time he touches the ball it feels like he can go all the way. Show off each of the shoestring tackles that just barely stopped him.

Followed by a 5 to 10-minute section telling stories about the kickers he embarrassed (e.g. Todd Sauerbrun hurdled twice in one game after openly challenging Hester, or Earl Bennett releasing the foakin fury on Jon Ryan for the all-time record).

Have an obligatory section devoted to the story of his shift to full-time receiver. Tell the story about the doubting media and fans saying he'll never return one for a TD again. Show him struggling to learn complex and changing systems while handling kick duties. Show some highlights burning guys on the outside and turning screen passes into huge plays.

Then get into the nitty gritty. Show each one of his kick returns in chronological order. 1 through 16 and beyond (obviously including post-season and missed field goals in order).

Sprinkle around clips of teammates describing his work ethic, coaches praising his value to the team, fans wearing jerseys and going nuts for him, and interviews with him showing his strong character. Play epic music throughout. Plenty of ultra-slo-mo.

Of course, have the deep, gravely voice guy narrate everything!

So let's get working on that now, okay? Thanks! You can thank me when you make millions selling it on DVD and Blu-Ray.

Giving thanks

Family, friends, fraternity. The freedom to live, learn, and love. My gifts and talents and the ability to share them with others. My hard-fought, hard-earned education -- the opportunity to fight for it in the first place. Science and enlightenment, and those great minds that paved the roads we now traverse. The beauty of art and music, from Mozart to metal to Mega Man. Mistakes and triumphs, comfort and pain, confusion and clarity. And all the calculations and chaos which have led me to this point.

I am thankful for many things, but most of all, I am thankful that the tides are turning in my battle with depression. Thankful for this renewal of my passion for life and recognition of my value as a person. To those of you who have helped me through (you know who you are), I thank you the most.

Friendly reminder to self

Hello Kevin,

I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job. Today is Tuesday Sept 7th and you just had a very good day. Work for 3 hours was busy and productive. You saw positive outcomes for your recent improvements in communication. It felt good to have good work noticed and to feel proud of a job well done.

Today you also completed a homework assignment on time. Your method wasn't perfect, but you did finish it in the end. It was a concern that you put it off until before class, but it is good that you had already begun it and had a good idea of how much more work was needed. Furthermore, you managed your work before class such that you could finish the homework on time.

In the future, remember to plan ahead for any unforeseen obstacles that may prevent your schedule from working out. Just because you can, does not mean that you should.

Also of concern is your sleep. You have been oversleeping every day since week one. Please make sure to curb this habit. Snoozing is your enemy, no matter how comfortable that bed is. Get up and stretch out and invigorate yourself because it is not going to happen to you!

Looking back on today, please recall that you were optimistic about the coming days and weeks. You were scheduling time to have fun with others. These events served as motivation during the week to get ahead and also as a reward for hard work. Please do not feel overwhelmed by commitments that are not school or work related. Remember what is important (necessary) and what is important (extra-curricular).

Remember to reach deep for energy and clarity when you have free time and little direction. You must be efficient with your time. I'll repeat: you much be efficient with your time! :-)

Remember not that you can be great, but that you are great.

Remember that clarity can be achieved even in chaos. Just focus on your goals and take things one at a time.

Mid-December Goals:

• Achieve all As this semester!
  
• Identify, read, summarize 25 articles related to thesis topic and concisely state research question.
  
• Submit OCB study to at least one conference, see what happens!
  

I will keep only these three goals. These are the truly important goals.


Keep up the great work and keep your chin up! You are going to stumble. Period. Just understand that it's just a stumble and not a fall, and certainly not a plunge. You are in control! Build up your muscle and soon the same pebbles that you stumbled upon will be naught but dirt under your shoes.

Blackhawks Post Game Comments As Western Conference Champions (video)

Blackhawks Post Game Comments As Western Conference Champions (video)

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Throughout my life, a pervasive naïveté and fragility has doggedly harassed my capacity for guiltless, unfettered happiness. I never learned how to reconcile kindness, courtesy, and etiquette with strength, confidence, and authority. At my strongest, I was but a kitten in lion's shell. Today, I have reduced myself to a worm meekly posing as a mouse. No one taught me when and how to allocate my deference appropriately. I bowed so often to others that my back is curved and my knees are weak. Now, I grovel my way through life feeling ashamed and unworthy.

Deep in me, I know there is a noble and worthy spirit. I am entitled to my gifts and talents and to the fruits of my labors, regardless of my shortcomings. I do not have to justify and apologize to others for every quality I possess and decision I make.

All people deserve respect and consideration, but not all people share the same needs, expectations, or abilities. Certainly, I should not devote such distress and consternation to every relationship and their oft conflicting circumstances. Even a martyr opposes the will of someone. Even then, in the end, the fate of the martyr is to die. To bleed for a cause that is not their own, for people with blood of their own.

Guided by irrational naïveté and fragility, I have bled myself anemic.

My first task, then, is to gain my strength back. I am frail and weak, but not broken. I have great talent and potential, but I harbor dangerous vulnerabilities. I must withstand occasional lapses of resolve, forgive myself, recommit, and resume progress. This process will slowly restore vitality to my body and mind, enabling me to halt my descent and climb upward once more.

But once I have dragged myself up from hell once again, I must learn not to give myself so wholly to so many others. I must remain the main shareholder in my soul!

Unhappy

Well, didn't take very long. I'm buried in late homework, and the familiar feeling of hopelessness is right back on top of me. I'm not interpreting things in terms of situations and circumstances like I was just a few weeks ago. Instead, I'm right back to thinking I am terrible. It's my fault I screwed myself in my classes, and I can't accept anyone telling me that it's otherwise. There was nothing else to do but my homework. It was all very clear. Get it done. And every time, I have avoided it. Now, I'm skipping classes and neglecting basic needs and just blowing the situation way out of proportion. The thing that makes me feel pinned down is that I don't really see when I will have the opportunity to catch back up! I look at my schedule and my commitments, and I really just don't feel like I have the opportunity to right all these wrongs. Work, family, and chores - all get in the way. I spent my last few weekends doing everything but homework, and really never gave myself a chance to get better. And now I feel like I'm right back in the same place as before. Arggh!

Happy

Well. For the first time in many many many months, I am happy. I am so happy. Life isn't pitch blackness, or even gray. It's full of color, and - damn! - it looks gooooood! mmm-hmmm!

I tend to think that I am somehow different from most in the acuteness of my sensitivity. By that, I mean I experience feelings, information, and relationships to the Nth power. Like whoa. Things aren't just things for me. Everything is RIDICULOUS - the good and the bad. Which means that I have an enormous capacity to experience great and wonderful things, but I also have an enormous capacity to crash and burn big time. It's a blessing and a curse, I tell ya.

Unfortunately, for so long, this acute experience has been focused overwhelmingly on negativity. For the longest time (longer than I care to remember), life sucked. Like WHOA. Man, things really sucked. And I sucked, too. Seriously, that's it. That was the deal.

"Life sucks, and I suck even more. Actually, life doesn't suck - life is awesome! But, I am so weak and I suck SO BAD that I can't get my act together and enjoy this life that is so amazing. Life is great, and I should be great, but it's not happening. It should be simple. I know what I have to do, but I don't, I won't, and really, I can't. Therefore, I am shit. Pathetic, disgusting, shameful fucking shit. Fuck everything, and fuck me."

Now here's the thing. I wasn't telling anybody any of this. I didn't indicate in any way that these were my thoughts. In fact, I really went out of my way to portray myself quite the opposite. I modeled myself the way I wanted to be. I got involved and I worked hard and I basically did exactly everything I thought I should be doing. And I met with results! Really great results. So by all observable measures, here's this kid doing really well and he's very talented and seems to really have his shit together. Good for him, he's gonna do great!

Nah. You couldn't have convinced me of that if you tried. You could get me to say "yes I believe you" but I wouldn't really. You see, in my eyes, that wasn't me. I was an impostor. A liar. A guy who pretended to be a real bad ass and a role model, but was weaker and more pathetic than anyone else could be. I felt I had all the tools, perfect vision of the path ahead, and when it came down to it, I could never get it done when it mattered most. At best, I felt I was just a fuckin' poser. At worst....well, I won't go there.

But that's not me. I know it's not me. I love life, and I love myself, and I LOVE the people around me. I know I am talented as hell and I know that I can achieve great things and make a huge difference in the lives of others. And I can have fun along the way. Lots of fun. Fun like whoa!

It took a painfully long time for me to finally confront this. I'm not done. I've got a long ways to go. But damn, the first step is hard.